Five Signs of a Good Support Resource
© 2013 NeuroInstincts | All Rights Reserved
Support after a painful relationship is invaluable. However, not all support is created equal. Someone could be a great friend, however not necessarily a good support in the aftermath of abuse. Often this is not purposeful and could come from very kind, well intentioned individuals.
For some, the reason is simply because they do not understand personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorder, or psychopathy. They might be prone to innocently make statements such as,
“forget about it.” | “just move on” | “get over it… it’s time to let it go.”
without realizing the damage is far deeper and greater than a regular breakup. Those statements lack impact and are not applicable to situations of trauma.
Without experience with this type of pain or knowledge of pathological relationships it might be difficult for ‘a great friend’ to relate to this kind of distress.
However, if they are open and willing to learn about it, some ‘great friends’ can be transformed into ‘good support’!
Individuals who tend to be good sources of support often share the following characteristics OR provide the following:
1) Patience. A willingness to hear the same complaints repeatedly.
2) Ability to ignite the survivors self compassion. They are capable of gently shifting the survivor toward discussing their positive traits and why they (the survivor) are loved.
4) Environment of acceptance. The ability to create an emotional environment whereby the survivor feels no sense of shame or need to defend their state of mind.
5) They ground the survivor when/ if her thoughts place her at further risk (e.g., discussion of stalking him in any manner; plans to encourage the abuser to show mercy or compassion; accepting his rationalizations for the abuse).
(Here are a couple of bonuses)
6) A good support resource recognizes when the survivor may need more than merely a friend’s ear, but rather the professional support and treatment from a psychiatrist, therapist, or psychologist.
7) They are confident and compassionate enough to speak up if bad or dangerous habits surface (e.g., using alcohol, substances, excessive food intake, minimal food intake, poor self care, isolating or withdrawing from others).
© 2013 NeuroInstincts | All rights reserved
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