Dating Again | New Relationships
© 2014 NeuroInstincts | All Rights Reserved | No Unauthorized Reproduction Permitted in any form
Dating again can be a difficult area to approach after an abusive partner. It can be frightening to open up to someone new after emotional or physical violation from a person you trusted. After enduring the pain associated with an aggressive or controlling partner, it is understandable why a person might decide they are done with love. They no longer want to put themselves out there and risk another nightmare relationship.
But, is that a fair decision?
Is that a decision that serves you and gives you a full life? As human beings we are best when we are connected with other. Science has proved this over and over again that both our mental and physical health are better when we have deep bonds.
For many after a toxic partner, the decision to avoid romantic relations stem from a place of pain. And it makes perfect sense, given the enduring pain that can follow a psychopathic or narcissistic relationship. Naturally, romance and the vulnerability of intimacy would be a turn off for the person who found themselves in one relationship after another with entitled, uncaring, manipulative partners. The apprehension would be founded.
However, would it be fair to miss out on decent, kind, partners because of the behavior of a past disordered partner? It was their pathology that created the chaos, pain and fear.
You have the power to change the direction of your life. That includes whether or not to date again after an abusive relationship. Let the decision be yours, rather than one that was imposed upon you from the hurt and pain bestowed from a past abusive partner.
You don’t have to suffer, isolate or give up on an entire section of your life because of the behavior of someone who is prone to violate others.
Normal brains thrive when there is bonding, connection, and caring for others.
After you have dedicated time and effort into healing, you can make changes to increase the likelihood that your next partner will be a safe one. This isn’t necessarily easy.
For some, it will require facing some facts regarding themselves. It may require an additional level of healing that has nothing to do with intimate relationships, but rather past relationships from childhood.
Some may even discover they have personality traits that make them susceptible to manipulators, psychopaths, abusers, and narcissists. Such traits might include:
• People pleasing tendencies
• Poor boundaries
• Giving trust to everyone without requiring the person earn it naturally across time.
• Placing the wants of others above their own.
Those are important factors to know about yourself. Because only from knowing and acknowledging, can a person then put in the work and change it.
After healing, you can walk into a new chapter of your life. One where you are empowered with knowledge and awareness of psychopathy and narcissistic personality disorder.
What if taking a new approach to dating and changing a few things about yourself opened your life up to an entirely different population of dates?
There are kind, considerate, emotionally regulated guys and girls out there who can bond – just like you can.
Would you want to keep yourself away from that person, because of the behavior of your ex psychopathic partner?
This new partner may not set your brain on fire with stimulation and intense floods of dopamine, but you probably learned from your past experience that this is not necessarily the safest partner long term.
As you walk into your new emotionally healthy life, bring along your unique core specialness that was probably invisible to a psychopathic or narcissistic partner. Having joy, love, ability to bond, caring, and trust are beautiful human qualities and only others who have those abilities as well can truly appreciate them.
Recall, psychopathic and narcissistic partners genuinely value no one.
You will make a great partner for a deserving woman or man after you have healed and put this time in your life behind you. Do not deprive yourself of a full life simply because of the disorder of another person.
You may have been victimized – but you’re no victim long term.
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